Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Life and Stuff

Sometimes I wish I was 13 again and my life were as simple as it was then. As an adult, when you truly realize how big the world is and everything that's in it, it's exhilarating, but also frightening. It makes you question all that you believed in as a child. It's like everything that was once solid fact is now up to question, and you have to decide what you truly believe in and what beliefs you only followed because you were told to. Your whole world-perception gets scattered and thrown into the air, and what falls back to the ground is often not what it was before it was tossed. You have to rearrange everything. For instance, friendship is now one of my foremost priorities, and when I was younger it meant nothing, as I had very few friends. I used to think I was so jaded. Now I realize that I was never jaded, I was just pessimistic and hormonal. And now that there's so much more reason to feel jaded and depressed, and yet I love my life, even though sometimes it scares me shitless, and other times it pisses me off, and still other times it makes me quite sad. I love all of those things. It makes the good times seem even happier. When you take the time to face what sucks and what hurts and what's scary, it makes life altogether more enjoyable, knowing that bad things do happen, and being ready to deal with them, and making a point to remind yourself that life doesn't always sucks. It kind of takes the edge off, so when things do go wrong, at least you're not surprised by it, and it doesn't seem like such a big deal. It's just one of those bad things that happen. And when the good times roll around, they're made even more awesome by the fact that you know it won't last, because you make it a point to appreciate them so much more.

And now I don't wish I was 13 anymore.

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